The Wedding, Man: David Toussaint on Same-Sex Nuptials

David Toussaint
Authored by
David Toussaint
New York Guyd/Features Writer
May 28, 2013
11:11 a.m.

Since GuySpy is interested in all aspects of gay men’s life, we’ve decided to include a blog devoted to same-sex nuptials. Whether you’re already engaged, thinking about popping the question, or simply trying to nail down the perfect honeymoon spot, we want to help.


As the author of two gay wedding books, 2012’s The Gay Couple’s Guide to Wedding Planning and Gay and Lesbian Weddings (2004) and a former editor at Brides magazine, I’ve been covering the market and subject matter for more than 16 years. The only thing I haven’t done is gone down the aisle myself… yet (paging Jake Gyllenhaal!).

Got a question? Please ask. Got an idea? I’d love to hear it. Have a story to tell? Let me know and I might post it.

First off, here’s a piece I originally wrote for The Huffington Post, with a few, um, alterations. Yes, this can happen to you.

The Top 10 Ways of Knowing If You’re Becoming a Groomzilla, by David Toussaint

To all of you engaged men out there, here are the best ways to keep your future spouse from wishing he was tying the knot with someone a little less interested in wedding planning — like the Royal Family or one of the Bachelorettes.

You know you’re becoming a Groomzilla if…

One: Your Facebook friends are “un-friending” you in scores because every update, photo, and link is about your nuptials, including vendor information, that video of how you met, honeymoon plans, and the name of your registries. Guys, it’s your wedding, not Mardi Gras, and you need to keep in mind that other people have lives. Try not to end every social network comment with “P.S.: More engagement photos to come.”

Two: You’ve picked 12 groomsmen, your Best Man, and your first-dance song, and you’ve been engaged for less than an hour. Once you make the decision to wed, take time to savor the moment. After you get back to reality you might find that asking your overbearing boss to be in the wedding party was a huge mistake, or that P!nk’s “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)” does not an appropriate first-dance song make.

Three: You forgot to register to vote, but you’ve registered for gifts at three different places. As easy as it is to think otherwise, taking time to do things like vote is (almost) as important to the future of the world as your wedding.

Four: The last two movies you saw were “Father of the Bride” (both versions) and “The Wedding Planner.” When friends tell you to take a break and get out more, they mean take in a new movie, or hit a museum, or go away for the weekend. The only thing you need to do 24/7 is love the guy at your side.

Five: You’ve stopped working out…and you live in Chelsea. Fitness is imperative, not just for your long-term health, but to ease wedding stress and clear your head. You’ll actually have more energy if you schedule regular exercise.

Six: You’re so engrossed in the glamour of wedding gifts that you’ve registered for martini sets, china, cookware, even a toaster — and you’ve lived in the same house with your fiancé for 20 years. Unless that home is a trailer with no amenities, avoid registering for wedding items you have no use for. Virtually everyone has a registry these days, which means your gift options are unlimited. If you don’t want presents, you can give to charity or form a registry to donate to one of your favorite LGBT organizations.

Seven: You gave tonight’s front-row Justin Timberlake tickets to a friend because you’re in a tizzy over seated meal or buffet. No planning complication is so important that it can’t wait a day. If your Best Man gets stranded in Hawaii the day before your Nebraska wedding, stop what you’re doing and make adjustments. Otherwise, get up on the dance floor and have some fun.

Eight: Your mind goes blank when someone mentions the phrases “Taylor Swift,” “Obamacare,” or “What are your summer plans?” Having no knowledge of current events is a sign that you’re too self-absorbed. Read the paper, watch the news, and, most importantly, connect with your friends and loved ones in a way that does not involve your wedding. Make it about them for a change.

Nine: You’ve ordered an eight-tier cake — and your guest list is 20. Face it, wedding stuff is fun, fun, fun. But don’t go overboard: Once you know your budget, guest list, and formality, stay within those limits. Otherwise, you might end up with egg on your face and a lot of maxed out credit cards.

Ten: Your mother tells you she wishes your wedding was less stressful than some of the other ones she’s planned — like her own. In this case, Mother definitely knows best!

Congratulations, all you engaged men out there. May your days be sunny and bright!

You can reach me with your gay wedding inquiries at Happy Honeymoons! To check out my most recent wedding book, click here.

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