Ask Ari: The L.U.V. Doctor Is In … And Out!

Sir Ari Gold
Authored by
Sir Ari Gold

February 14, 2013
6:51 p.m.

The GuySpy team is thrilled to welcome Sir Ari Gold to our team of experts. Gold is a 4th-generation lower east sider and Award Winning Billboard Top 10 Recording Artist, and arguably the first openly gay pop singer to be out from the beginning of his career. Here’s the best news for US: He’s gonna talk about love and sex, city-style! Smart, steamy, talented, it’s all Gold, and it’s all Good. Yes, Sir! –the Editors

My very first column for GuySpy! I was unsure at first what I wanted this outlet to be about.  I used to write about drag in New York, I’ve written pieces for The Advocate and The Daily Beast on being gay in the music industry and I’m a self-described pop culture whore/addict/collector.

But if I’m being totally truthful, the topic that interests me most is the topic of relationships. My dad always brings up the fact that ever since I was in grade school, I was the go-to guy for the girls in class (and occasionally the more emotionally evolved boys) to call upon for relationship advice.

Do kids these days spend hours on the phone talking about these things like I did, or do childhood friends only give advice now in fewar than 140 characters? (I think this question actually took up more than 140 characters). Thankfully, GuySpy has given this occasionally verbose Jewish homofessional gaylebrity a bit more room than that.

When I think back on my advice back in the day, I can’t say it was any good. But having started the journey toward a greater understanding of love and relationships so early on in life, I have made significant progress on the topic.

I imagine the next question my hopefully faithful future reader would have is, “Ari, are you in a healthy, successful, long-term relationship?” My answer to that would be that giving good advice is quite different than being able to practice it yourself. But I will say that I’ve been in quite a number of relationships that have not worked, and that has given me lots to learn from. Years of therapy haven’t hurt either.

I think being a songwriter naturally inclines you toward hopeless Romanticism and a good helping of that I still have.  However, I’ve learned that life doesn’t work like a Diane Warren ballad (as much as I love them). Relationships and the reasons why we get into them, why we stay in them, and why we want and need them is complex, nuanced, and unique to every individual, couple, threesome, and even group orgy. A group orgy is not a relationship, you say? I tend to differ.  It all has to start somewhere, and for some that is where it begins.

Gay men of all ages, now more than ever, need guidance, council, and if nothing else a sounding board (very different from “sounding bored,” which prevents many younger gay men from actually learning and listening to the few elders we have left to look up to). Tragically, the AIDS epidemic not only cut short so many of the lives that were already making a positive impact on the world, but it stole millions of possible examples of people simply living their life and in turn, having relationships. That’s why I feel particularly blessed to know quite a few long-term gay male relationships. I would even say some of them resemble healthy relationships, and I draw on my experience of talking to them. Healthy is not perfect by any means and just because something works for one doesn’t mean it will work for another.

So here is where we begin my new column. I have much to say and will be saying it whether I hear from you or not. But please feel free to email me any questions, concerns, thoughts you may have about this topic in your own life or your friends’ and families’ lives, and I will do my best to reply here. And perhaps as time goes by and we get to know each other a little better, I will let you in on some of the issues and tissues that I am currently working on.

I am not a doctor and will probably never play one on TV. But I have lots of very smart doctor friends, so I will be calling upon their advice as well when I feel ill-equipped to answer on my own—especially when it comes to medical questions around safe sex, STDs, and health… which I welcome.

If any of you are inclined, I assume there’s been some inflation since Lucy from Peanuts used to charge 5 cents for advice, so feel free to give me your change here as I am still raising funds for the next three days for my latest project. Advice is free but music shouldn’t be.

As you know, ever since the beginning of my pop music career, this spin doctor has been out and proud. Happy Valentine’s Day my gays (and I don’t mean that in the straight-celebrity-who-wants-to-pander-to-their-gay-following way—you really are my gays!). I can’t wait to get f**kn started!

Sir Ari Gold’s new maxi-single “Play My F**kn Record” is OUT NOW on iTUNES.

Photo: Edwin Pabon

Got a question for Sir Ari? Contact him at


Anonymous User
7 years, 11 months ago

hi doc can u check my heart becs its too fast beat when i 1st saw you