Movie Guyd: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

The Twilight Saga is back for the fifth and final time. Finally! Breaking Dawn, Part Two sees Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) born again as a vampire after being brought back from the brink of death by her undead lover, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), after giving birth to her half human/half vampire lovechild, Renesmee. But now the birth of Bella’s child has sent shockwaves through the vampire world, threatening the safety of Bella and Edward’s family. Is this the ending to The Twilight Saga you’ve been waiting for? Read on!The Good: Some of the special effects are quite dazzling. For example, the way they show Bella’s newly heightened vampire senses, like being able to look at things really close or see things moving very slowly. The battle scenes are quite thrilling as well. Plus this is the last Twilight movie. Thank goodness!

The Gay: Taylor Lautner stripping down in front of Bella Swan’s father. Talk about a daddy-son fantasy being played out in front of a mainstream audience! Also, there’s a lot of swoonworthy shots of Kellan Lutz’s bulging biceps, Robert Pattinson’s emo-licious stares, and a bunch of other cute vampires and werewolf boys to dream about long after the movie is done. Gawd, I need a towel. And Michael Sheen’s performance as Volturi leader, Aro, is like Liberace meets Pee-Wee Herman! Faaaabulous! 

The Bad: Ugh! Where to begin! The lame-sauce storyline, the dialogue, the bad acting, the pouting, the angst, the bad accents from the foreign vampires. This movie is a B-grade flick with an A-grade budget. Seriously. Bad.

Plus this movie boasts the biggest “psych!” moment ever that is bound to piss off a lot of Twihards. At the screening I attended, the whole audience screamed “WTF?” when it happened. (Well played, Twilight. Well played…)

The Fugly: After five movies, you’d think they’d get the makeup jobs down. But nope. Those faces reek of fugliness, especially those eyes! And that digitally altered vampire/human hybrid baby, Renesmee (which is such a bad name, even the movie makes fun of how lame it is), reminds me of a freakier version of the Ally McBeal dancing baby. This movie is a total fug-fest.

A fitting farewell to Twilight, or good riddance?: This one is definitely for the fans. If you remotely enjoyed any of the Twilight Saga films, even for the cheese factor (like I did), you’ll enjoy this one. Otherwise, I can’t recommend this flick to any living soul.

The Grade: C-