Stuck in the New Year’s Resolution rut? Never fear, as everyone’s favorite Stewardess, Pam Ann, has penned five just for you, GuySpyers! She’s here to help, so put your tray tables forward and your seats back and bent over. Enjoy the ride.

Five: Turn off your GuySpy app for one minute once a week—preferably while you’re watching my show you big hos! 

Four: Go to the disco more in high heels.

Three: Try and see daylight.

Two: Take a huge cock up the ass with no lube. No cheating: Wait till AFTER midnight! 

One: Avoid relationships with 12-year-old men and don’t adopt a small child from Cambodia. (Oh, wait, sorry, that was my New Year’s resolution for Madonna).

See you at the show!