Topless Sean Penn Wins Best Looking Beach Celebrity

Aristotle Eliopoulos
Authored by
Aristotle Eliopoulos
Pop Culture Guyd!
January 4, 2014
11:13 a.m.

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If you’re like me, you knew it was the time of season where all the pretty male celebrities we love go on vacation to reward themselves for looking pretty on film all other times of the year. And if you’re like me, you were constantly refreshing your RSS feeds trying to see who looked best, and who wore the least – but no need to go any further!

At first, I was just disappointed by all the celebrities who chose to wear shirts while in tropical paradises (Leo D., Ryan S., among others you don’t really care about), so I was just going to begrudgingly give the prize to Simon Cowell. What? Why Not? He has a sexy “real” chest you could love. And at least he’d wouldn’t be shy about telling you what he liked in bed.

But then, I saw these Sean Penn photos courtesy of JustJared and I knew we had a winner. First, abs you can really get on board with. And a surfboard you can really get on board with – haha, thank you very much:

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Also, on further inspection – commando wetsuit wearer. Which, don’t ask me why, but is totally sexy. It’s just sexy math.

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And he’s also really good at taking off the wetsuit while he is wet in sand. Sand, people!

*EXCLUSIVE* Charlize Theron and Sean Penn new couple alert? **MUST CALL FOR PRICING**

And to top it all off, he is reportedly dating Charlize Theron! Who is pretty hot. So sitting next to a hot Charlize Theron while looking hot would totally quadruple your life points if they ever chose to make Hot: The Game.

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We have a winner! If anyone wants to get him a giant trophy that he has to carry with both hands, I’ll tell you my plan on how we can pull down his wetsuit when he isn’t prepared. Oh, we also need a camera. I’m working on an unrelated exclusive story about Sean Penn’s penis. I’ll tell you more later.

Oh, and just for fun, and obsession, here’s another shot of Sean shirtless. The man is 53. The DILF is forever. Some say he has Roid Rage, but I think he’s just trying to keep up with former wife Madonna’s immense muscle mass!


Oh, and here’s another. I could do this all day. And, apparently, so could he.

Shirtless Sean Penn shows off his amazing figure while jogging with new girlfriend Shannon Costello.


Anonymous User
Born76 (Guest)
8 years, 8 months ago

I love Sean Penn. I think he’s hot.