The Weekly DirT: Dancing with Brights in Our Eyes

David Toussaint
Authored by
David Toussaint
New York Guyd/Features Writer
March 2, 2012
2:41 p.m.

It’s been almost a week and everyone’s still talking about the Academy Awards—next year’s ceremony, that is. Poor Viola Davis has to win in 2013 because she was robbed by lesser-talent Meryl Streep, which is a bit like saying Rick Santorum’s intelligence was robbed by Barack Obama’s. Davis, and the other nominees, were wonderful, but Streep is a phenomenon, and she last got a statute for 1982’s Sophie’s Choice. The Iron Actress deserves to be bronzed herself. 

Speaking of Rhymes with Dick, Santorum was all over the place this week, most notably for being for vomit before he was against it. In a few short days he insulted collegiate hopefuls, JFK, and anyone with a brain. Oh, yeah, and Sarah Palin’s daughter is getting a reality show. Says Andy Borowitz… 


“Bristol Palin announced plans to do a reality show, despite her mother’s longstanding objection to reality.”

Foreign Policy nailed the Talibangelist in their Santorum/Grand Ayatollah piece. And the men behind the men put the pieces of asshole together in their wonderful portrait. 

Yep, that’s all made out of pieces of Rick’s porno graphic lifestyle. Read about it here.

But don’t look for Ricky’s Little Dicky to appear as a Logo TV show—the network is axing gay-themed shows. (Don’t feel bad—we didn’t know Logo was still in existence either). 


Aisle Be Seeing You: Maryland Says “We Do!” 

But would you do him?>>>>>>>>>>

In other unmemorable TV-related events, Dancing with the Who the Fuck Are They? announced its new line-up, and it’s about as memorable as any episode of the ever-dwindling Smash—which should win an award for “Most Ironic Title.” Nice about Martina, though. She’s got balls.

(“A little boy said to his mother; ‘Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white?’ His mother replied, ‘Don’t even go there Barack! From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!'”–Federal Judge Richard Cebull, in an email.)

We lost The Monkees’ Davy Jones—he’ll be remembered for that great music, those goofy band mates, and, yes, taking Marcia Brady to the prom (below). Hey, hey, he’s our hero!

Less talked about, and so tragic, was the death of gay porn star Roman Ragazzi (Dror Barak), which has been ruled a suicide. Don’t know what happened there, but our hearts go out to his friends and family.

 Davy, Davy, Davy! 

Also tragic, in a very different way, was a bill in Moscow denying gays of civil rights. The New York Times had a great write-up.

In more Holier Than Thou news, the Church can’t seem to understand the separation of Church and Hate. People being denied communion because of their sexual orientation? Holy Hypocrites! Did the dude turn away everyone who sinned? No, didn’t think so. Oh, and then there was this cute story. It just never gets better with these people, does it?

Is it art, or is it Angelina?

Speaking of Contrition and Acting Out, Madonna went “wild” this week with the drop of “Girl Gone Wild,” her second single off the upcoming MDNA CD. Not surprisingly, some people loved it, some people hated it, yet everyone had an opinion about the woman they claim to never have an opinion about. 

With all those bad guyds out there, let’s end on a animated note. Riverdale’s Kevin Keller finally married his beau. Despite trying to object, those one million mother flunkers were left with cake batter on their face. Thanks, Archie, you’re this week’s Guyding Light! yes


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